My Cousin Paolo

Because of a visit from my cousin (FL to NY), I had a surge of positive emotions and memories spring up, and the happiness he brought became like a peaceful river to sit by and have companionship, understanding and listening, and find appreciation in that togetherness. So it was only natural that I find myself doing something rare these days: going through old photos. The photos in this post are from the beautiful time at my uncle's house sopra Carini, in the Sicilian mountains, the birds singing all around in the morning, when every day I woke up and was lucky to spend with my cousin Paolo. I love Sicily and best of all, I loved sharing it in a new way with Paolo. Sicily became even more dear to me--she is so giving. In looking through these photos, I saw the thread of happiness from a former life come through to find me today.

That summer was different from other visits: I stayed with Paolo at his dad's house and connections to various cousins overlapped and made new intersections. The two of us developed a rationale for having a party for all of our family; and so the Amato family (from nonno's side) and the Randazzo family (from nonna's side) met and celebrated Independence day with us. More than 40 cousins came wearing red, white, and blue. There we were on the rooftop, the sunset turning the mountains around us a rose color as we told stories, laughed, ate, and took pictures into the night.

 

And these photos are other days... so relaxing by the sea and mountains with a full stomach:

Andrea falling asleep on the terrace after a delicious lunch together

Late dinners all together da Totò, lol

Asia loved to eat the mussels

We visited Elena and Totò's awesome family everyday and had lunch at Carlo and Tania's with Linda and the grandchildren and with Andrea's family in their home on the sea. We went to la spiaggia e la discoteca with cousin Alessandra and friends and danced outdoors. I felt elated to be dancing outdoors and discoteche on the water are particularly amazing.

The best was how la piccola Asia fell in love with Paolo.

We were like kids lounging away a mare and enjoying being in famiglia, tracing our roots in the air of our fathers' hometown with our family.

Paolo and I visited the celebrated beaches of San Vito lo Capo with Gisella's family the night before he left and had a great drive with the sunset preparing for his departure the next morning.

 

The adventures were plenty, delightful, and simple: we had gelato in the piazza our fathers grew up in. We saw stray dogs at night as we drove home up the mountain hill--and one time I thought one was getting hurt by another and made Paolo turn around to make sure they were alright. And they were--they were just copulating.

Paolo understood a lot of the Italian our family speaks and I also served as interpreter sometimes, which was fun.

He tried to make me espresso in the morning but it was really not that good and we joked and communicated through it all, and he reminded me of being young with my own brother again.

In all the photos I have of that June and July, I cannot find the sweet one I am looking for. In it I was happily resting my head on his shoulder, so content.

I did find this memorable one. It was taken at the Palermo airport by Totò, when Paolo was leaving Sicily and I was staying on. He had already changed his ticket once to stay an extra couple weeks after I decided to come to Sicily (after touring as faculty on a study abroad in Italy journey with Emory). So now that his extra time was up, I tried to convince Paolo to stay even longer since he is a digital nomad for work and as we were having such a grand time and had been excited concocting the big family party for July 4th. But he was very stoic about his dharma, reasoning in his own mind that he should keep his ticket. At any rate, he was going to leave for home though we all tried to get him to stay. Then, hours before his flight, when I got up to go to the bathroom in the night, he called my name and when I said yea, he said "I'm not going." And I was soooo happy.

So who could fault him the day it was time for him to go? Though we all thoroughly enjoyed teasing him about wanting him to change his ticket just one more time, which only made him smile.

That "Sicily happy" is how happy he made me this past weekend when he last minute decided to come to NY to spend quality time with me in Saratoga and at the Sadhana Center for Yoga and Meditation in Hudson, and it was a lovely weekend with Paolo, amazing teachers, and discussions. We lived another adventure together--and we both realized afterwards just how much we needed the break, the spiritual aspect, and the time together. After a lot of upheaval in my life, he still makes me smile inside like this photo (below right), that he took on the rooftop of me one evening:

In reflecting on all this, I can't help thinking of the wonderful poem that yogi & living inspiration Sondra read, "The Way It Is," by William Stafford.
There’s a thread you follow.
It goes among things that change.
But it doesn’t change.
People wonder about what you are pursuing.
You have to explain about the thread.
But it is hard for others to see.
While you hold it you can’t get lost.
Tragedies happen; people get hurt or die; and you suffer and get old.
Nothing you do can stop time’s unfolding.
You don’t ever let go of the thread.

And I see a beautiful thread in my life thanks to Paolo. My relationship with Paolo, the innocent adventures we shared, the love and appreciation and family tie therein, are like a thread of love and of connection in my heart. I am fortunate enough to have someone like him in my life, a touchstone. During the times when I needed a little patch of love, he was there to sew me up. He flew up from Florida in September '16 to surprise me on the day of my release from Sloan Kettering hospital in the city. He helped push my wheelchair around the Met to see a painting by Georges de la Tour after I got out. He was there because he wanted to be and made me feel so good after my third life-changing surgery, the ileostomy reversal. I hope that I can do that in some way for him too... lol, well not that exactly, but you know what I mean.

With my son/his godson in Saratoga, summer 2016

Sunset in Sarasota, FL, my 40th birthday with my favorite cuz